What are some easy tips to make someone like you more?
- Maintain eye contact
- Smile slightly more than them
- Occasionally use the person’s name
- Ask thoughtful questions
- Show deep interest
- Maintain composure (minimize erratic behavior)
- Give small compliments
- Ask for advice
- Avoid speaking negatively about others
Opposite actions – such as appearing aloof, staring at your phone, talking about yourself, reacting abruptly, complaining, or badmouthing others – will make people like you less
What are some tips to help avoid the temptation to speak negatively about others?
- You should imagine that they are there in the room with you, overhearing you speak.
- You don’t know what they’ve previously experienced or suffered.
- You may not know the whole story.
- You should not attribute to malice what could be explained by misinformation.
- By withholding judgment and giving the benefit of the doubt, you “win” in terms of being the better person.
Note that avoiding negative speech does not mean that you are a pushover. You can still be cautious and protect yourself from misinformed behavior, without assuming ill intention or badmouthing others.
Refraining from negative speech will also keep you happier & less anxious, and will protect you from your words “coming back to haunt you” either directly or via karma.
What are some easy tips to help maintain relationships with friends or family members?
- Keep key contacts in your phone’s “Favorites” list.
- Scan your list daily, and try to send at least one random text (or call!) to at least one person each day.
- When someone tells you of an important event coming up in their life, discreetly make yourself a calendar reminder to check in to see how it went. Share their pride!.
- Occasionally share small articles or moments that made you think of them.
- Make time to connect in person! Don’t be afraid to be proactive.
Remember that the best way to “have a best friend” is to first “BE a best friend.”
How can you help prevent yourself from reacting angrily to a situation or person?
- Pause before responding
- Take a deep breath & remain still
- Smile, even if it seems fake
- Remember that the decision to be offended is yours
- Ask yourself, “Is this how my best self would respond?”
- Find the 1% that you do agree with
- Acknowledge that you understand their perspective
- Wait until you’ve cooled off before responding
- Then share your own feelings, slowly and thoughtfully
While it may feel good to respond to an offense with an angry tone or accusations, that is never the right move. It will only escalate the situation, make you less likeable, and worsen your anxiety.
Remember: If you stay calm long enough for the other person to apologize for getting angry or offending you, then you’ve “won”.
PRO TIP: Take cold showers or vigorous workouts every day, and you’ll build the resilience and poise that makes it easier to react as described above.
What is an easy way to stop saying “like” or “um” as fillers in conversation?
Simply speak more slowly and use pauses.
This extra time will allow you to choose your words more deliberately, without needing to say “like” every fifth syllable.
BONUS: Slowing your roll will make you appear more confident as well.
What is an easy way to confidently maintain eye contact without seeming creepy?
- Look at the person’s forehead instead of directly into their eyes.
- Occasionally blink or glance away.
Fill in the blanks:
To strengthen relationships, it can be helpful to praise in _____ and criticize in _____.
public; private (if you must at all)
Whether in a professional or personal setting, demeaning someone in front of others is one of the most hurtful things you can do, while “talking them up” to others is one of the most appreciated. Be more conscious of your words.
What types of questions can you ask so that you have better conversations?
open-ended questions
Rather than asking closed-ended questions like “How are you doing?” or “Did you like the movie?” (which could have one-word answers that kill the dialog), try asking open-ended questions that encourage longer answers and give you opportunities for follow-up questions.
Examples:
- What are you most looking forward to [about this weekend]?
- What TV shows are you watching these days?
- [What/who/where] is your favorite [X], and why?
- What do you plan to be doing in 3 years?
- What is your favorite thing to study in Brainscape?
What quick mantra can you tell yourself that helps you project charismatic energy when you meet a new person?
“This person is already a great new friend of mine; they just don’t know it yet.”
Even if you don’t viscerally like the person at first (or are even intimidated by them), taking this attitude mentally will immediately reflect in your warm, relaxed, deeply interested body language.
What are some tips for becoming a funnier person?
- Spend more time with funny people.
- Watch stand-up comedy.
- Get some more life experience.
- Memorize easy jokes & quips using Brainscape’s “Street Smarts” flashcards, and other Jokes decks on our marketplace.
What is a quick mental strategy to avoid complaining (which repels other people)?
Remember that the only person complaining hurts is you.
Grumbling because it’s cold or rainy, or because your flight is delayed, has zero upside. You only make yourself more upset and push away your friends.
Remember that complaining only achieves one thing: it reinforces the anger, frustration, and disappointment you feel at a situation.
So rather than resisting what has already happened, try accepting it, and focusing your energy on moving forward.
True or false:
Sometimes, it’s ok to talk bad about other people.
False
There is never an upside to speaking badly about someone else.
While smack talk may feel satisfying, or may make you feel that you are bonding with other fellow smack-talkers, it will always backfire in one way or another.
Sure, sometimes it’s helpful to acknowledge that someone else has a weakness or a challenge to work on, but if you must mention it, there is always a way to say it more nicely and fairly.
Try to imagine that all your conversations might be secretly videotaped and leaked to the recipient, and you’ll feel yourself slowly feeling more compassionate, while emitting increasingly more positive vibes to others.
What’s the best and most confident way to accept a compliment?
Say “thank you”!
(don’t downplay it)
For more emphasis or to deepen the connection with the person, feel free to add something like:
- That is so kind of you to say
- You always say the kindest things
- You just made my day!
- You have no idea how much I needed to hear that
What are some good tips for apologizing gracefully?
- Acknowledge their feelings.
- Take some blame.
- Provide explanation sparingly.
- Offer corrective action.
- “I know that hurt”; “I know you were counting on me”; “I know you are busy”
- “I had a lapse of judgment”; “I should have prioritized you better”
- “I did not anticipate the traffic” etc. Just don’t overly blame others or the situation as it will dilute your apology”
- “I will look into this”; “We’re updating our processes to make sure this doesn’t happen again”; “How can I make this up to you?”
Be sure to tailor your apology tactics based on your relationship. For some people or some offenses, one of the above steps should be emphasized above others.
What are some good ways to comfort a friend in need?
- Ask them if they want to talk about it.
- Ask thoughtful questions.
- THANK them for sharing.
- Minimize unsolicited advice.
- Remind them of your love & acceptance.
- Ask how else you can help.
- Check on them often.
- If they’re not open to talking, then trying to “help” could make it worse!
- “How do you feel about that?” “What are you thinking of doing?” “How might things turn out better in the end?”
- This will make them feel safe continuing to share with you, and not like a burden.
- Only give suggestions if they specifically asked you for it, as officiousness can backfire. And never say “I told you so!”
- This can be critical for building their inner strength.
- They may be hesitant to ask for help, so feel free to offer anything specific, like helping them with chores that may be distracting them from their challenge.
- You can even just offer to talk, hang out, or send them a funny meme if you think humor could be appropriate. Simply reminding them that they’re not alone is better than overly patronizing them.
How can you complain about bad service without causing an uncomfortable moment or fight?
Create an “empathy sandwich”
Preface your complaint with acknowledgement that you feel bad about complaining and/or that you know it’s not their fault. Then reinforce that sentiment after your complaint, while adding gratitude.
e.g. “I hate to bother you, but [COMPLAINT]. I know you’re busy and it’s not your fault, so I really appreciate you looking into this.”
What are two terms to remember that will help you to congratulate someone in ways that deepen your relationship?
“shoy” and “bragitude”
“Shoy” is the concept of truly sharing in the person’s joy by expressing genuine emotion yourself. Try to become as excited as they are. Express how proud you are and that you always knew they would succeed. And, most importantly, acknowledge how much hard work they did to reach their goal.
“Bragitude” is the concept of expressing gratitude that the person chose to brag to you. Use phrases like “Thank you so much for sharing that news with me”, or “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you including me in your announcement.”
Moments of accomplishment – even small ones – are often the most formative pillars of a relationship. Be sure to lean into them as much as you can!
Shout-out to Brene Brown for proliferating these two wonderful terms.
How can you tactfully express that you’re angry without causing a fight or making things worse?
- Try to wait until a calmer moment
- Remind them of why you value the relationship
- Express your feelings, not accusations
- Ask for their playback with an open mind
- If you’re fuming now, try to take a deep breath and wait to discuss at a time when things are more civil. Don’t necessarily say “I’m fine” if you’re not, but it’s ok to say you’d rather wait to discuss something later.
- “I want to make sure we all continue to feel good about working together.”
- Instead of “You were an @$$hole for saying that”, try “I felt triggered when you said that.”
- “How else do you feel like we could have interacted without me feeling that way?”. There’s a chance they will partly apologize as part of their answer. But they may also help you realize something you did wrong as well. Be ready to take some responsibility yourself.
What are some tips for thanking someone in a way that will best deepen your relationship?
- Say it after the fact
- Give it your attention
- Be specific
- Return the favor (if appropriate)
- It’s one thing to thank someone immediately for a favor. But it can feel more impactful if you take time to thank them more sincerely minutes, hours, or days later, even if you already said thanks up front.)
- e.g. Pull them aside and look them in the eye; or send an email or text message; or write a written note. Show that you mean it rather than just saying something in passing.
- Acknowledge that you really appreciate the particular thought, attention, time, or effort that they made for you.
- It doesn’t have to be immediate, but consider a gift, a note, meal, beverage, or a similar proactive favor at some point, to ensure that the relationship is seen as reciprocal!
